Who Would Fare Better?

By James Constan

Swapping Tyreek Hill with a Saharan Cheetah

Thanks to Tyreek Hill’s blazing speed on the football field, he has adopted the nickname: “The Cheetah.” This leads to the question: If an actual cheetah had to play wideout in the NFL, what would happen? Even better, would Tyreek Hill have more success at surviving in Saharan Africa than an actual cheetah?

Before debating the question, we need to clear some things up.. The cheetah is anthropomorphic, meaning it can talk to its teammates, understand the playbook, and won’t suddenly start clawing at Sauce Gardner when they line up across from each other. In the other scenario, fellow cheetahs won’t attack Tyreek, but other animals are fair game.

Who Could Form a Better Bond With Their New Friends?

Cheetahs are described as “rather docile” compared to other safari animals. Tyreek Hill, on the other hand, listed video games as one of his biggest hobbies, saying “Gaming is a part of who I am,” It would be hard to imagine him bonding with other cheetahs over video games. Point for the cheetah. Not to be confused with “The Cheetah.” 1-0. Who Could Adapt Better to Their New Environment?

Hill has shown immense adaptability, as he converted to receiver after playing running back in college. However, the Phoenix Zoo describes cheetahs as having “semi-retractable claws function like cleats, increasing traction to help with sharp turns and speed.” Another point for the cheetah. 2-0.

Could Tyreek Hill Defend Himself Better Than The Cheetah Could Break The Press?

Tyreek Hill once said that he “grew up boxing” and called out boxer Jake Paul. Adult male cheetahs only get as big as 140 pounds, which would be well under the NFL standard. Easy point for Tyreek here. 2-1.

Could A Cheetah Even Catch A Tua Tagovailoa Spiral?

Cheetah’s claws are described as “blunt” and resembling “running spikes,” which doesn’t sound helpful for catching a football. This is also assuming that Tua will throw a spiral, which isn't guaranteed. Maybe the cheetah can block for De’Von Achane and Raheem Mostert instead. Point for Tyreek by default. 2-2.

The Verdict

A tie. The cheetah would likely see double and triple man presses until the defense learns of its inability to catch the ball. On the other hand, Tyreek would be an invaluable member while accompanying the pack on a hunt.